


Once I Was 30 Years Old

by phloridas



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Birthday, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mild anxiety, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8583190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phloridas/pseuds/phloridas
Summary: Phil’s 30th birthday brings a flood of growing up-related anxieties, much to his dismay. Dan, however, knows just how to fix it: by recreating the day they met, swapping out Manchester for London–and with a surprise Phil never sees coming.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know it’s not actually Phil’s birthday yet, but I really, really wanted to use this idea and I just couldn’t wait. I hope you enjoy this giant fluff-fest, it made me really happy to write!

Cold white sunlight burned into Phil’s eyes, but he just couldn’t open them. Not today. He refused to believe the day was actually here. Rolling over in his huge bed, he stretched his arms to wrap around Dan’s warm bare chest, but was only greeted with a cold, flat bed sheet. He brought his arms back to his own chest. He should have known. Of course Dan didn’t want to sleep with a thirty year old. But Phil’s heart still twisted just the same.

How had he let this happen? Phil remembered birthdays where he could barely sleep due to overwhelming excitement. Even into his 20s, his birthday was still one of his favorite days of the year–usually because Dan always found a way to make it special. Phil looked forward to each year as a new start, a new beginning to make this year even better than the last. But thirty felt different. Almost all Phil’s friends from school were married and settled down in houses, some with pets and some already with kids. He couldn’t help feeling like the runt of the litter, always left behind and struggling to catch up. Maybe if he could just fall back asleep, he could wake up as a 22-year-old again, heart fluttering with the hope of finding a good morning text from Dan.

But instead of that, he was greeted by the sound of his door banging against the wall and a deep, lovely male voice singing, getting closer with every word:

“ _Happy birthday to you,_

_Happy birthday to you,_

_Happy birthday my dear angel be-eann,_

_Haaappy biiirthdaaayyy tooooo yooouuu_ ”

The mattress dipped slightly, pushing Phil’s body upwards. “Phil? Hon, what’s wrong?” Dan’s voice was laced with concern, which only made Phil feel worse. He kept his eyes shut tight even as he felt fingers lightly tickling his fringe, a gesture that still sent a torrent of sparks throughout his body.

“Mmmmffff,” Phil mumbled in an undignified manner, pulling his warm pillow over his head. Even the heavenly scent of pancakes and sugary breakfast pastries winding their way to his nose wouldn’t get him up today. He knew it was stupid, but he just couldn’t help himself.

“Bean?” Fear had crept into Dan’s voice now. “You’re finally twenty two today! Aren’t you excited?”

Phil’s breath caught in his throat as his heart swelled to the size of the entire U.K. Dan knew how much his age was bothering him recently. If he was choosing to deny it, then maybe Phil could face the day after all. And besides, that food smelled really good. He poked his head out from under the pillow to find a slightly blurry Dan, wearing the infamous Totoro onesie and a concerned frown that Phil wanted to wipe from his face immediately. A large white tray sat on his crossed legs, nearly overflowing with Phil’s favorite foods. Dan’s face lit up like a Christmas tree as soon as Phil’s eyes met his. “Come on, Phil, am I going to have to pull you out of there? You know I will.” The suggestive look in his eyes nearly sent Phil over the edge. He finally pushed himself up into a sitting position, blankets still covering his lower half, and reached to the left for his glasses. After a ruffle through his hair, Phil looked timidly over at Dan again. His face still showed nothing but delight.

“See, Phil, today can’t be so bad! I even made American pancakes for you! And what do you always say?” Dan prodded him.

Phil sighed, but a smile was quickly overtaking his face too. He couldn’t not be happy around Dan, it was like a disease. “Any day that starts with pancakes has to be a great day.” He felt a twinge of nostalgia for his younger, eternally optimistic self–and then a pang of hunger. Suddenly, Phil realized he was starving. The tray of impossibly fluffy pancakes, chocolate eclairs, a blueberry muffin, and Phil’s favorite cereal, Honey Nut Cheerios, was screaming at Phil to eat me now! And after giving Dan an appreciative peck on the cheek, he gladly dug in–although he still couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling of getting older.

“Alright, Phil, the day is yours,” Dan proclaimed once the two boys had finished their delicious breakfast in bed, barely talking besides Phil thanking Dan for his hard work in the kitchen. “What would you like to do?”

“Well…” Phil began, nudging his body needily against Dan. “I was kind of hoping we could just stay in here and watch some _Buffy_? I know that’s what we do every day, but…” he let his voice trail off with a quiet laugh.

“What, you don’t want to go out and live it up?” Dan teased. Phil shoved him. “Okay, fine, honestly, that’s what I would want to do too. This is my favorite part of the day, really. Now let’s slay some vampires! Or, well, watch this ass-kicker do it, anyway.”

“Aye aye, captain,” Phil giggled and reached over to his left for the TV remote and tried to enjoy _Buffy_ for the eightieth time. But something was off this time around. Sure, he and Dan were cuddled against each other like always and Sarah Michelle Gellar was her usual amazing badass self, but Phil’s worry continued to peck away at his thoughts, no matter how much he tried to banish it. Were people going to expect more out of him now that he had crossed the triple decade threshold? Would it be weird for him to still be on YouTube? Phil wanted to continue making videos for the rest of his life, but what if his audience thought he was too old? Sure, there were quite a few YouTubers over 30, like Louise, but she talked a lot about being a mum in her videos, something Phil couldn’t relate to. He wanted to adopt children with Dan more than anything, but he was also terrified. A child is possibly the biggest responsibility you could ever take up, and Phil could barely take care of himself sometimes. He wasn’t even sure if he could handle a dog, although he and Dan had discussed getting one when they move into a house later this year.

Before Phil knew it, the credits were rolling and he realized that he had spent an entire episode of _Buffy_ lost in his thoughts. Well, that was a first. Apparently Dan had noticed it, too, because he said, “Phil? You barely paid attention to _Buffy_. And that tells me something’s seriously wrong. Come on, you can tell me. Please?” Phil wanted to tackle the worry off Dan’s face, much like he had over seven years ago in that first video together. But that was a younger Phil. He was supposed to be grown-up now. Right?

Phil arranged his face into his _there’s nothing to worry about!_ smile. But even that faltered. He sighed and just decided to tell Dan the truth. “Dan, I’m…I’m thirty today.” Phil forced himself to spit out the dreaded number, cringing slightly at the thought. “All my high school and uni friends are settled down, some with kids, and we’re only just now moving into a proper house. I want kids so bad, but I don’t know how to tell our subscribers about us. I still don’t know if I want to, honestly. And what’s going to happen to my YouTube channel? Are people going to expect me to grow up now? Is it time for a rebranding? And why am I feeling this on my birthday, when I’m supposed to be happy?” Phil forced a short laugh. He had to admit, it felt good to put this into words.

“Oh, Phil, _honey_.” Dan’s face softened as he pulled Phil into him and held him close. Phil immediately melted. What would he do without Dan?

They stayed like this for a while until Dan finally let Phil go. “Who cares what your uni friends are doing with their lives? We’re happy with ours–or at least, I hope you are–and that’s what matters, right?”

Phil nodded. “Of course I’m happy. I wouldn’t trade you for the world, Dan. It’s just…”

“Just?” Dan questioned, head tilting like a confused puppy.

“I know it’s a stupid and immature way of looking at it, but…I don’t know, I feel like I’m not measuring up to them somehow. They have all these stories about their kids and their pets and I’m just here in London. I mean, obviously I love it, but I feel like something’s missing.” Phil wasn’t sure if Dan would understand, but he hoped he could try.

“Well, that’s why we’re moving soon!” Dan consoled him. “And getting a dog! Come on, Phil, I know what will make you feel better today. Get dressed and come with me,” Dan declared, throwing off the colorful duvet and hopping out of the cozy bed.

“Well, alright then,” Phil hesitated, not wanting to leave his blankety warmth, but still got up anyway and headed to his closet to select the perfect shirt. Dan left, and after a few seconds of deliberation, Phil decided on his blue and black plaid shirt with his standard black jeans and went to find Dan. As expected, he was in front of his wardrobe, holding two nearly identical black jumpers, trying to choose between them. After some contemplation, he replaced both and came out instead with his relatively new black collared shirt, pulling it over his arms and meticulously buttoning it up while Phil leaned against the doorway and smiled.

Once both boys had brushed their teeth and thrown on their coats, they were ready to go. Dan didn’t even straighten his hair–Phil was so proud. As soon as they made it outside, Phil asked Dan, who was a pace ahead of him, where they were going. Somewhat predictably, though, his boyfriend’s cocoa eyes crinkled mischievously and he refused to divulge, not wanting to ruin the surprise. “I will tell you we’re headed to the tube first, though.”

Phil was bursting with anticipation once they finally reached their stop. Walking up the steps, he was greeted by cold January air, blinding white snow, and a bustling downtown London. Dan led him straight into a warm Starbucks. _Starbucks?_ Phil didn’t see how this was special, but he certainly appreciated the gesture. Dan did know he loved his caramel macchiatos.

After receiving their sugary drinks, Phil was about to walk over to a table, but Dan gently pulled him by his black coat-covered arm and led him to the door. “You’re still not going to tell me where we’re going, are you?” Phil asked.

“Nope,” Dan chirped, already several steps ahead. Phil shook his head and quickened his pace to catch up. They turned a corner and after walking down another block in the biting wind, Dan stopped to hold the door of the Apple store open for Phil. Now Phil was utterly baffled. They already had nearly every Apple product currently available. What was Dan going to do, buy another iPad? But he led Phil over to the display computers instead.

“Remember when we were so excited about posting that first picture together to DailyBooth and all the customers got annoyed by us for taking so long?” Dan’s permanent grin was contagious. “Well, I thought we’d recreate it! I know it’s not the same store, but I didn’t really want to spend two hours riding to Manchester, so this is the next best thing. What do you say?”

Phil’s face broke into one of his true, all-consuming smiles. “Yes, of course! But what did we even look like? I don’t think I’ve even looked at that picture in years. We were so small back then!”

“Yes, we were. But lucky for you, I have it right here.” Dan pulled out his phone and sure enough, there they were in the front of Dan’s camera roll, just over seven years ago and looking like the epitome of their 2009 “nerdy emo cool” aesthetic.

“I won’t even ask how you found that,” Phil laughed, shaking his head. “Okay, so it looks like I’m right in front of the computer trying to look broodingly off into space, but making a total derp, and you’re a little bit behind me, sexily ruffling up your hair.” He opened up Photo Booth on the iMac and got into position.

Dan shoved him. “Shut up. I was too much of a baby to be sexy.” He studied the picture for a few seconds, then struck his pose. Phil took a few pictures for them to choose from before they finally relaxed, cracking up at the fact that they were even doing this and at how stupid they looked back then and that they even posted it online in the first place.

“Well, I’d say we got it pretty spot on in the first one, don’t you think?” Phil giggled.

“Oh my God, we actually did! Wow, I must really be in tune with my former self,” Dan quipped, stepping up to the computer and taking the mouse from Phil.

“Wait a second, what are you doing?” Phil asked, stepping aside for Dan.

“You’ll see,” Dan grinned, fingers flying as he clicked onto Safari and signed into Twitter.

“No!” Phil gasped, covering his huge grin in surprise. “You’re not doing what I think you’re doing! Our subscribers will go nuts!”

“That’s the plan.” Dan’s sneaky grin nearly sent Phil into a frenzy of desire. It took everything in his power not to slam him into the wall and smash their lips together. _There will be plenty of time for that later tonight_ , he reminded himself.

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our very own peter pan, @AmazingPhil! think you can get me a ticket to neverland, buddy?** Dan typed, then inserted the picture and hit Tweet. Immediately, Phil’s phone, which he had just recently turned off Do Not Disturb, dinged with Dan’s mention notification. Phil smiled so big his eyes squeezed shut in excitement. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have Dan. He opened his eyes again and liked and retweeted Dan’s birthday message, then switched his phone back to Do Not Disturb and slid it into his pocket again. He wanted to give Dan his full attention today. He had dedicated his entire day to Phil, after all, so it was only fair that Phil focused exclusively on him.

They left the Apple store soon after that, and headed back to the tube, finishing their delicious warm drinks and throwing them in a nearby trash can. Phil had an inkling of where this day was going, but he didn’t want to tell Dan just in case he was wrong. He still remembered that day so vividly, from the butterflies in his stomach at the train station to the intoxicating taste of Dan’s lips that very first time on the Manchester Eye. He felt like his life was truly beginning, even if it had taken 22 years to get there.

This time, they only rode for a couple stops before stepping off into the already setting sun. Phil now recognized this area very well, as he and Dan had made countless trips to this part of London. Dan’s smiling face led them down a few blocks to a tall glass building whose exterior read “Millbank Tower.” Phil drew in a sharp breath. He knew what Dan was doing. Sure enough, they stepped inside, where Dan headed straight for the elevator, pressing the top floor button once inside. Suddenly, Phil couldn’t hold it in any longer. He clung onto Dan’s arm, staring at him in shock and wonder. “Dan!” he gasped in a near whisper. “You’re not doing what I think you’re doing?”

Dan merely smiled again, the dimples in his cheeks growing deeper, as the elevator dinged and opened up to a set of frosted glass doors labeled “London Sky Bar”. Dan pushed confidently through to an incredibly swanky ballroom and bar area scattered with a few strangers chatting amiably. “Welcome,” Dan drawled in the exact tone Phil had used seven years ago, spreading his left arm wide to encompass the huge room, “to London’s Sky Bar, home to some of the finest views of the city.”

“I’ve already got the finest view right here,” Phil quipped, nudging up the slightest bit against Dan.

Dan punched his arm lightly in response. “Shut up,” he replied, but he was blushing. “I assume you’ve figured out my plan by now, though.”

“Yes, and I love it. This is actually the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, Dan.” Phil needed to make sure Dan knew just how much this meant to him. He never knew Dan remembered that day so well, too. He was sure he had never loved his boyfriend more than he did right now.

They ambled up to the bar, which thankfully was pretty empty, what with it being Monday and all, and slid into two adjacent seats. The bartender glided over to them, beaming. “Dan, Phil! How lovely to see you here! The usual, I presume?”

Dan glanced questioningly at Phil for confirmation, who nodded. “Yep! Thanks Reggie,” Dan grinned before turning his gaze to the sprawling windows in front of them. Phil did the same and could barely believe his eyes. The sky was awash in pinks and purples and reds and oranges, all flowing seamlessly into one another. He was suddenly hit by a very similar memory of downtown Manchester all those years ago, and the sudden realisation nearly took his breath away. He loved being able to see for what felt like miles, and he loved knowing that he was sharing it with his best friend and partner even more. He finally tore his eyes away from the view to study Dan. He was absolutely entranced, something Phil only got to see on rare occasions. With his head resting on his hand and his chocolate brown eyes showing that he was at peace with the world, Phil thought that maybe he could finally let go of his insecurities and join him. He let out a long sigh, already feeling infinitely better than he had this morning. Honestly, what would he do without Dan?

They received their drinks then, but both boys were still soaking in the outside world. They stayed like this for a few minutes until Dan piped up, “You know, sometimes I miss being an overexcitable eighteen year old. Life is so much more freeing when nobody knows who you are.” He sipped his drink wistfully.

“Yeah, I kind of miss not being recognized everywhere, too,” Phil agreed. “But we’ve had so many more opportunities open up for us! Do you think eighteen year old Dan would ever have imagined he would be here, in this very room, sat next to me?”

“Only in his wildest dreams,” Dan sighed, mouth twitching up slightly.

They stayed like this for a while, reminiscing on their shared past and sipping their drinks, as the sun completed its dramatic display of colour and the city lights began to twinkle on. Phil honestly couldn’t imagine a better way to celebrate his birthday. From the kiddie birthday parties to nights spent both out and in as an adult, nothing seemed to compare to this. And the night was still young. The world was Phil’s oyster–he hadn’t felt this way for a long time, but he was certainly enjoying it now.

Phil almost didn’t want to leave, but Dan finally got up to use the restroom, leaving Phil with his thoughts. He still couldn’t believe that Dan was willing to do all this for him. He really did have the best boyfriend in the world. No matter what happened, he knew there was only one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He could only hope that the feeling was mutual.

Dan returned quickly, informing Phil that there was still one more thing on his list, and was he ready to find out what it was?

“Well, I think I already have a feeling, but sure, tour guide Daniel. Lead the way.” Dan paid for their drinks and Phil got up, stretching his long legs.

Outside, the cold was even more biting than before, wind whipping across their faces like tiny knives. Phil cuddled up next to Dan, linking arms, not caring who saw. He seriously wished he had his warm Starbucks drink right now.

They crunched through the snow along the frozen River Thames in the twilight, enjoying each other’s company and remaining mostly silent until they reached the marvelously lit up Ferris wheel. “I know this is so touristy, but I just couldn’t leave it out,” Dan apologized, shrugging his shoulders.

“Dan,” Phil commanded him in a stern tone, looking directly into his deep brown eyes, “this is absolutely perfect. Nobody else could do this for me. Thank you.” Dan relaxed a bit and stepped up to the ticket booth. As he paid, Phil couldn’t help thinking how, seven years ago, he had been the one to show Dan all the sights and sounds of Manchester, but now the roles were reversed. He really was so proud of Dan. He had come a long way from the awkward, YouTube-loving teenager he once was.

A host led the two boys to the first empty capsule as soon as it touched ground, handing Dan a tall bottle of champagne and Phil a golden box of chocolates. They stepped inside and sat down on the long wooden bench, setting their goodies beside them. Phil’s heart felt like it was about to burst, just like it had back in 2009. In this moment, he had everything he could ever want. With his head on Dan’s shoulder, he took this moment to appreciate the view, even though they were barely off the ground. The boardwalk in front of them glittered with snow and the lights from all the buildings. A comfortable silence stretched for miles between them, broken only when they had nearly reached the top. “Do you remember what you said to me back in the Manchester Eye?” Dan asked, voice barely above a murmur.

“You know, everyone says this is the best view of Manchester, but I think I know an even better one,” Phil smiled. His eyes flicked down to Dan’s lips just as they had the first time he had spoken those words. And just like that, their lips were touching, soft at first, but harder as Phil grabbed onto Dan’s coat with one hand and his feather soft hair with the other. Time froze, and Phil’s senses suddenly turned to overdrive. The taste of margarita was intoxicating, as was Dan’s sweet but musky smell. The brightest fireworks Phil had ever seen popped behind his eyes as his ears picked up only their hungry breaths. The moment seemed to last forever, perfect in every way, until Phil finally pulled away and tucked his head back into the crevice in Dan’s shoulder that seemed to be made just for him. He ever so lightly pressed his lips into Dan’s collarbone, causing his ears and cheeks to light up bright red. He truly hoped Dan knew just how grateful he was for this day. From beginning to end, everything he had done was absolutely perfect. Phil couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have him.

Their warm figures remained pressed together, enjoying the view, until they reached the ground again and stumbled out, buzzing on alcohol and elation. The gentle squeeze of Dan’s hand spread warmth throughout Phil’s body until they reached the underground. After a short but crowded tube journey, Phil was grateful to finally return home and see their lounge again, after they had shed their coats and set their London Eye goodies aside. It was only 7:00, but Phil was already feeling tired. Dan, however, seemed slightly jumpy. “So, I hope that was a good birthday present. I’ve sort of been planning it for a while,” Dan laughed sheepishly, his warm brown eyes tracing Phil up and down.

“Are you kidding me? This was the best birthday of my life. Thank you, Dan. I honestly couldn’t ask for anything better.” Phil wrapped his boyfriend up in a tight embrace, planting an appreciative kiss on his soft head. He could feel Dan smile into his neck, and it sent his heart racing.

“Good,” Dan replied, once Phil had finally pulled away to take a good long look at the boy he still couldn’t believe he could call his. “Do you want to pick a movie and meet me in the bedroom while I order pizza? I feel like that would be a good way to end the night.” His dark eyebrows raised with just the slightest hint of suggestion.

“That sounds perfect,” Phil told him, already turning to their alphabetized bookshelf stuffed full of DVDs. After some deliberation, he finally decided on _Kill Bill_ , and ambled over to his bedroom.

As he pushed open the door, though, Phil’s heart stopped and he let the DVD case clatter to the ground in shock. Because there, on the small white rug in front of his antique chest, knelt Dan on one knee, holding a tiny box.

“Philip Michael Lester,” Dan began, voice quavering. “These last seven years have been an absolute dream–maybe not always the best one, but still.” He giggled nervously. “From Reading to Manchester to London and everywhere in between, I’ve known that there is nobody I’d rather spend my life with. We’ve sailed through the good and muddled through the bad, but through it all, I’ve known one thing that would make me the happiest person alive. So,” he drew in a sharp breath, “I ask you, in your own words, ‘a Godzilla-esque question’: Phil Lester. Will you marry me?”

Phil’s eyes filled with emotion and he ran over to tackle Dan in a bear hug, accidentally knocking both of them to the ground. “Yes!” he whispered, hardly believing what was happening as Dan slid the cool metal ring onto Phil’s long finger. Phil gazed at it in awe. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, after Dan himself, and he knew he would always cherish it.

As they snuggled into bed and started the movie, Phil couldn’t help but wish he could tell his past self to stop worrying so much. So what if his friends were pretty much all settled down and starting their own families? If this was how his third decade on planet Earth was going to start, he was certain that he would be absolutely fine.


End file.
